OK, so you are reading a chapter here about kooks. Could there be a reason for this? Let us postulate for a moment that perhaps your picnic has lost a few sandwiches, and in your state of denial, you have turned to this chapter to mock others and convince yourself they are far more loony than you. Try this quick quiz. Check out this wellspring of kooky research material. Books you never knew existed, UFO's conspiracies, get rich quick schemes, mind power. If you are starting to salivate, it's time to check in your luggage. You're flying over the cuckoo's nest.
Verdict: You are not alone, read on... - SS
Mianbao's China - Museum of the Absurd
You are treading on thin ice, when you start trying to call others crazy. 9 times out of ten, your arguments will only augment your own shortcomings in the marbles department. This attempt at ridiculing the Chinese by poking fun at their misuse of English and their alternative toilet designs, only serves to paint the author of this site as a xenophobic ignoramus with the maturity and understanding of a 10 year old school boy. What is absurd, is that they actually went to the trouble to register a domain name and put this site together to help us all come to understand how imbecilic they really are.
Verdict: Prognosis - certifiably stupid. - SS
Net Worth: **
Start your Own Religion
At the time of review this poor site's server was down.
Verdict: Bummer. - SS
Where's Weirdo? - The Heaven's Gate Cult Game
If you kill yourself in an attempt to be taken by aliens hiding behind the tail of a comet, you are bound to have a few people want to take the mickey out of you for being a bit loopy. This little "where's Waldo" style game is a little bit of fun to whet your appetite before following the links to a dozen or more Heaven's Gate send-up sites. Fortunately the links here are far better than the site itself, which is about as happening as the second coming of Hale-Bopp. There are a couple of funny photos, but the most you'll get out of it is the inspiration to do something just as whacky yourself - only a lot better, hopefully.
Verdict: Laugh your way to the pearly gates. - SS
A Universal Life Church Home Page
From the world's hub of crack-pot cults and religions comes the ultimate in drive-through God shopping. What seems to have started off as an intellectual argument about religious freedom, has turned into a full scale mockery of itself and of the whole idea of organised spirituality. Basically the idea is that you be a good person (duh!) and through the ULC, you can send 'em ten bucks and become a priest, canonise a few buddies, marry your neighbours and get good parking spots. I guess the next step is complete legal absolution for any heinous crime on the grounds that you are a clergyperson. Oh that's right, all the other churches have been doing that for centuries. Way to go ULC!
Verdict: Instant salvation - just add money. - SS
Alien Bob's Command Post
It's all true! Everything you ever read about aliens, conspiracies and the Loch Ness monster can be explained by Alien Bob. He is here to set the record straight about all the abductions, the cover-ups and the sightings. There are lessons to be learnt here. Alien Bob is a nice guy and he wants to help you become a better person. In plain English, you will grow to understand what is really going on here on our earth, and maybe you will overcome your inherent lack of evolution and join Alien Bob in his fun-filled intergalactic escapades. He ain't so crazy, once you get to know him.
Verdict: Bob is the message and the message is Bob. - SS
The Kennedy Assassination Home Page
With all the extreme hype over JFK's death playing out over the last 35 years, it seems that an entire generation of crack-pots has been bred to fuel the mystery, or lack thereof. Millions of people who weren't even born at the time have seen the Oliver Stone movie and decided they now know the truth. This site has been put together by a loony on the other side of the fence, which at least makes a nice change. Oswald acted alone. Simple theory, lots of evidence. Do you buy it? Check the site, follow the links, make up your own mind. Now it's got you too. You are a certified idiot, puppet to the whole rotten game. You see, we are all connected, so everything is a conspiracy. We all did it!
Verdict: This site will have the same effect on your brain as one, or two bullets. - SS
Australian Skeptics Home Page
It doesn't matter which side of the fence you are on, if you're obsessed, you could easily be categorised as a bit of a nut. The Skeptics, flying the banner of truth and common sense, uncover more mysteries than you can hover a ouija board pointer over. While we laugh at the charlatans, psychics and faith healers, we still have a lot of crazy things going on here in biosphere one. The Skeptics promise to explain each and every one scientifically - eventually. Take a new age test and see how gullible you are for fanciful, rather than logical explanations. Altogether an impressive local site, created by a team of very sensible loonies.
Verdict: Me, sceptical? I don't believe it! - SS
Anyone who proudly boasts of their close ties with Ronald Reagan would have to be begging to placed in the 'basket case' basket. A well-meaning organisation rallying conservative middle class "people of faith" into a political force to right the wrongs of our evil society. These people have clout, mainly because they already control our evil society, and helped make the laws that bred all the wrongs they are trying to right. Now that things haven't turned out quite as expected, the C.C. is quite happy to blame the devil, round up all the possessed citizens and imprison or shoot them. Praise the lord!
Verdict: You can't say "no", you might go to hell. - SS
The Church of the Subgenius
For the uninitiated, this site presents as a very eclectic collection of weirdness put together by a bunch of geeks with too much time on their hands. Upon closer inspection, your theory will be confirmed, but deep within this twisted chaos of a web site lie some amazing views on life as you used to know it. There is also a lot of real funny stuff too - sick, but funny. Pics & parables & countless radio broadcasts. Before you know it, your mind has been unwittingly reprogrammed, you have joined the one true movement of enlightenment without even asking. Repent, quit your job and slack off. You may as well, God is controlling you anyway.
Verdict: Hail Bob! . - SS
Da Weirdo Page - How Weird are You?
I checked this site from a search engine thinking I'd find a bunch of freaky cats hanging out in cyberspace looking for like-minded individuals to exchange strangeness. All I find is a Year 8 kid and his buddy hanging out at Planet Hollywood eating ice cream, some links and a random Midi file player. If anything, this site is an argument for some kind of new categorisation in search engines. The web is chocka block full of home pages of little or no worth to anyone but the creators and their friends, but the poor surfer has to endure the download in the vain hope of finding something cool. What's weird is that this web address is now in a national publication, and I look like a major dweeb!
Verdict: Oh yeah, real freaky - not. - SS
David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ
You may have heard this little rumour before, or even seen the web site, but in this chapter on kooks and loonies, I had to mention the author of this baby, Mr Warren S Apel. OK, so it's a funny notion, the Baywatch star being the AntiChrist, but Mr Apel actually manages to conclusively prove that it is true! The research into both the Bible and Baywatch, not to mention Mr Hasselhoff's lengthy career, is most convincing. This leads one to believe that either Warren has really stumbled onto something big here, or perhaps this Baywatch/Biblical fascination has really gotten the better of him and sent him completely round the twist. It's time the government assembled a team of theologians and psychiatrists for a complete inquiry.
Verdict: Shockingly amusing - especially if he's right! - SS
What have we here? Another bunch of totally normal people claiming to be really wild and zany? This time these three geek girls have managed to achieve something. I wouldn't say they are totally off-the-wall, but at least they have created a bit of style and humour for themselves and for us. Their friendly approach invites us to join the club and share in their not so eccentric escapades of bowling and hanging out with their boyfriends. The way these girls describe it, it actually sounds like quite the life!
Verdict: Join the Club, leave your brain at the door. - SS
Exposure - The Magazine Of Future Developments
This Queensland-based newsstand magazine's site is a Mecca for every weirdo, pseudo-scientist and conspiracy theorist looking for confirmation of all those things that can't be confirmed, but if you read about them, at least you can quote something at the next loony convention. These guys are big on ancient mysteries, UFO's, New World Order conspiracies and surpressed technologies. Through a huge range of books & videos, the evidence is dished out aplenty about how we are all victims of an elite group of megalomaniacs. The trouble is, it all sound a bit too believable! Better order a video or two and start building your arc.
Verdict: Too crazy to be false. - SS
Opening with a really cool image map of some fictional dessert terrain where all the main links can be located, this "guerrilla media collective" showcases a huge range of works and complete sites of artists that have either been marginalised or forgotten by the mass media. It's a massive hub of alternative culture, humour and free thought that will attract anyone with the slightest distaste for the mainstream. Events, exhibitions, books, films, musings, discussions and provocative ideas fill this mega-hub of creativity. Essential bookmarking material.
Verdict: If the fringe fits, wear it. - SS
Heaven's Gate - How and When It May Be Entered
You've seen the media's portrayal of the work of these cosmic messengers (you know, the ones in the Nike's). HG2 fulfils the curious researcher's desire to understand more about the beliefs and workings of this alien crew the media had a feeding frenzy over a short time ago. Yes, it is a bit "out there" but no more than mainstream beliefs, when you think about it. These people seem to have some kind of insider's knowledge about the way the universe works, and a few dire warnings for those not prepared to accept reality. Read it and freak.
Verdict: Now I'm starting to feel a little unhinged. - SS
Howard Marks Home Page
In the global game of cat and mouse that is the drug trade/war, Mr Marks comes out like Speedy Gonzales. He travelled the world as a rock and roll manager and smuggled mega-tons of dope everywhere he went. His money bought him friends in high places, and his flamboyance earned him a reputation as the coolest dude around. Eventually busted, he did a bit of time in the US (of course) and emerged a cultural icon in these days of changing attitudes. He now writes for magazines, sells his story in book form, and gives us all a glimpse into his heady days riding the high seas, high on the THC. Cool as he is, he is still a shrewd businessman deep down. This time he's peddling history.
Verdict: Lifestyle of the rich and shitfaced - SS
These dudes look like they have spent their youth listening to death metal before having some kind of spiritual conversion. The whole site is themed on dark, flaming satanic imagery, yet the content is very clean and Christian-based, about finding a purpose in life. Real Audio church organ hip-hop tracks abound and a bizarre VRML "test" to establish how meaningless your life is and why you need to become a Jesus Freak too.
Verdict: Check out zat freaky dude, Jesus, man, he cool. - SS
Keeper Of Odd Knowledge Society (KOOKS) - Conspiracy Theories Newsletter
Ever since your specialist changed your medication, life just doesn't seem to be as interesting as it used to be. You haven't got anyone to talk to any more when you're alone, people don't seem to be spying on you as much as they used to, and you just can't seem to piece together those incredibly elaborate conspiracy theories any more. Don't fret, stay on the medication, because the Kooks are here to fill the void in your life the good doc took away - if you subscribe, that is. In your affected state, you won't notice the subtle dispelling of these theories. Could it be this site is conspiring with your psychiatrist? Flush those pills down the toilet right now - you are in grave danger!
Verdict: You'd have to be mad to pay money for this! - SS
Kooks Museum Lobby
A real kook is someone who truly believes in their theories, but somehow the world won't buy it. This museum is fitting tribute to all kooks throughout history. For some their theories, once mocked, became commonly accepted fact. For others, bless 'em, the ridicule of their outlandish ideas will haunt their ghosts for eternity. The museum has many halls - the Schizophrenic Wing, The Hall of Hate, Solution To World Problems and Library of Questionable Scholarship, among others. An amazing tribute to the power and impotence of the human mind.
Verdict: Well worth getting out on day release to visit. - SS
Mentos - The Church
You know the ad where the girl breaks her heel, then in a moment's inspiration pops a mentos sweet and snaps off the other one, eliciting admiring glances from handsome strangers. Well, this is an attitude founded in a deep sense of spirituality. Through the sucking of mentos lollies, life's hardships can be overcome. Read in wonder the lesson of the shoe.
Verdict: Life sucks, and so does this web site. - SS
Michigan Live Kooks
"Where the unbelievably crazy theories are real" - here we find doomsday preachers, save the world notions, theory profiles and web-of-kooks links page. This site is not being updated any more, but the richness of the craziness here is well worth inspecting. Of particular note is the "panic in the year 1000" story, along with all the other predictions people have made that were just so wrong, you wonder why people keep insisting on making new ones. It's laughable, and that's just what you'll do.
Verdict: The end is nigh, again. - SS
The curator of this little on-line art gallery has but one intention. To allow the warped, sick perverted artists of the world to reach a wider audience. Essentially he has scanned everything he can out of books and put it up for all the world to see, in the hope that more people will discover the power of some of these artists. And powerful these images are. Disturbing, violent, dark, provocative. About 50 artists are currently featured, including some old favourites like the weird Dr Seuss and William S Burroughs.
Verdict: The extreme opposite of Ken Done - SS
Pages of Truth
This is where the concept of the conspiracy has been taken to very logical and highly amusing conclusions. Bert Is Evil, Barney is a drug runner, that kind of thing. Readers are invited to submit their own theories and comment on previously posted ones. In all the hilarity, some theories start to have a ring of truth about them, and pretty soon you'll find yourself drawn into believing some of the stuff that is suggested. That's just the way these guys planned it. Soften you up with humour, then - BAM! - you're a believer. It's a conspiracy!
Verdict: You can bet the IMF is behind this one. - SS
This text based collection of amazingly way-out claims, theories, crackpot ideas and general paranoia will provide you with hours of amusement. The collection is thriving, as it has become an exchange of ideas through mailing lists. Join up, and if you think you have a good theory, let everyone know. It may just catch on. If you keep a wild idea baking in your mental kiln too long, you might just crack, so it's best to let it out to cool off slowly.
Verdict: Putting the crack in pot, or is that the DEA? - SS
R.Crumb's new Mystic Funnies Full-Color Comic
Mr Crumb was to the 60's and 70's drug and sex crazed hippy generation what Dilbert is to the coffee and mobile phone crazed office worker generation of today. His comics expounded the virtues of being wasted and philosophising well before it moved from a loony fringe area into mainstream society. He went a bit quiet for a while after being hit with a big tax bill and being forced to confront reality by raising a couple of kids, but he now returns with brand new adventures, no doubt inspired by the popularity of baby boomer memorabilia. Unfortunately this official site is a pretty lousy introduction to the man's work. Better hit your local book store, or a fan site.
Verdict: Ah Crumbs! Where's the content?. - SS
Reverse Speech - The Voice of Truth Exists
We've all heard the theories about playing records backwards to hear satanic messages, but this concept has just leapt to a whole new level. Australian "researcher" David John Oates proposes that backward speech is in integral part of forward speech and every time we talk, our subconscious is actually intentionally saying things in reverse all the time. No matter what we say forwards, our brain tells the inescapable truth in reverse. Hear the amazing samples, attend the seminars, buy the books, the reverse tape player, be amazed! Get a life!
Verdict: !!thisllub of daol a tahW. - SS
The Bastard Son Of The Lord Homepage
This page makes a complete mockery of the whole "Jesus" phenomenon. The author understands the sensitivities of Christians very well, and relentlessly hits where it hurts as hard as he can. It's all in good fun and no doubt intended to get a few people hot under the collar. Success has been achieved on all fronts. The feedback he gets is decidedly nasty, and the rest of the site is filled with blasphemy, irreverence, sacrilege, and profanity that to anyone born after 1650, will seem highly amusing. A bit schoolboyish, but amusing nevertheless.
Verdict: Goddamn this is a good site! - SS
The Contortion Home Page
What more can you expect from a page about contortion but lots of pictures of people in various states of discomfort? Quite a bit actually. This is not a spectator sport, human pretzilisation is booming and with discussion groups, chat rooms and an international organisation, your physiotherapist is going to be set for life.
Verdict: Truly twisted individuals. - SS
The Crumb Museum
Like so many artist sites, it seems, the fans are much better at presenting the work than the publishers. I guess it's a marketing thing, but on the Internet where there is so much to look at, it doesn't serve to hold back. Here you get quite a good slice of Crumb to taste before taking up the offer to visit Amazon.com & purchase some of Crumb's work, which of course you'll do once you see where this crazy hippy dude is at, man.
Verdict: More than just a few paltry crumbs. - SS
The Intergalactic House Of Fruitcakes
This is another quasi-religion page but unlike the SubGenius, they just haven't really sat down for long enough to actually figure out much of a doctrine. It's oh so fanciful to have a good laugh about the new church you just started, but really, you can keep it to your IRC buddies, unless you got some kind of profound new insights. Ha ha, yes you're all a bunch of nutters. How very droll.
Verdict: A few sultanas short, I'm afraid. - SS