If you like your humour tasteless and crass, with a healthy serving of nudity thrown in for good measure, you've come to the right place. These guys work hard to bring you the best value for money membership site on the web. $10 a year buys you all the jokes you can handle, twisted postcards, games, stick figure theatre... more fun than your boss or partner would ever allow you to have.
Sample: From the deep dark depths of India, comes the Internet's first talking vagina.
Verdict: Hilariously bizarre. - SS
Net Worth: *****
Funny Pictures Gallery
The bilingual element is a bit annoying - they should just duplicate the site, but there is no shortage of cartoonery here. Thumbnail galleries categorised into topics, including Bill and Monica, Sex, Work etc, will leave you giggling for endless minutes. Got any funny pictures? Why not submit 'em? Oh, and follow some of the links here. Ha-ha factor high in some parts.
Sample: Nothing to sample - a picture sketches a thousand quotes.
Verdict: Very good. Trés bien! - SS
TamTopCat's Adult Humour Site
If you ever tire of only reading ten or twelve joke emails a day that seem to keep appearing in your in-tray, you could always come here and read the whole bang lot at once. Bad jokes, cartoons, comics, plenty of links and feature artists are set to wile away your life. Watch that tricky Java voting button.. this site is getting way too popular!
Sample: A guy walks into a bar...
Verdict: Dubiously funny. - SS
After the front page full of flagrant and shameless link promotion, you simply click on the pop-down menu to access the smut of your choice. Updates, pictures, songs, movie files, software and links. Simple and all you could really ask for. The name says it all.
Sample: I have been collecting these for quiet some time now, and now I want to share them with the rest of you.
Verdict: Putting all those crappy e-mails to good use. - SS
Boasting a mailing list of 300,000, these dudes are major culprits in the proliferation of dodgy jokes and cartoons. It's all in the marketing. Their decision to split their advertising revenue with referral partners has caused a massive viral outbreak of links to this spot. The positive feedback mechanism creates more joke submissions and some cash to spend on graphic web design. One thing money can't do is buy better jokes.
Sample: 300,000+ people can't be wrong!
Verdict: Well, 300,000 stupid people can! - SS
Funniest Videos and Drawings
You want Mickey? Mouse, that is - flippin' the bird, or Donald Duck shaggin' Daisy? An hilarious cornucopia of blasphemous copyright infringements awaits you as you click and giggle your way through a few days of your life that you'll never see again - but you'll be so enlightened you just don't give a damn. You'll never look at a kiddies cartoon the same way again.
Verdict: You'll never look at a kiddies cartoon the same way again. - SS
Them good folks down on the farm have been chewin' the terbackie and tellin' yarns round the cyber campfire while the dawgies howl and the griddle roasts. Actually all they are doing is sitting there opening joke emails all day and posting them on the site, but what do you care? You want a good laugh, and there's more fun here than "City Slickers" and "Blazing Saddles" put together. 345 cartoons, oodles of jokes and a barnyard full of funny .wav files.
Verdict: Yee-Haa! - SS
After one too many cyber-postcards sent by you drive your friends towards putting you on their permanent 'ignore' lists, it's time to surprise them big time with a raunchy, sultry, steamy, horny cyber-stripper. OK so it's going to coast real money to see the whole thing, let alone send it, but what price can you put on salvaging valuable friendships? Certainly a lot more than US$3.95.
Verdict: Yawn! Just send em the URL of some sites in this directory!
Pink Plastic Pig
I haven't laughed this much in a while. Presenting the pathetic capers of a pink inflatable pig after he sets out in search of the perfect wank. After growing bored of his ridiculously large porn collection, pig hits the red light district with enough cynicism to sink the Love Boat. Gritty realism in ridiculous clothing.
Sample: Look at this stupid shit I've got going... blah blah blow jobs, blah blah lesbians in the soap suds, plaid-skirted Japanese idiots staring off into outer space... is this really what the kids are digging these days?!
Verdict: A real porker! - SS
Gay and Lesbian Shopping - Billy Dolls
Sexual equality is all-pervading in these heady end-of-the-millennium days. So of course you must have your gay versions of Ken and uh, Kenny. Great for the kids! They say you're born gay, so why wait until puberty to come out? Play out your future lifestyle with these handsome, well-hung plastic studs. Billy and Carlos come as Wrestlers, Cops, Footballers, Sailors, Bondage Masters - dream dates for Mardi Gras!
Sample: OK boys the ship is in the harbor and this sailor Billy is raging to go into town for some hot port action. White front flap front pants for unobstructed access, tight muscle-hugging striped top and the cutest
little sailor cap to top off that gorgeous little head. I mean the one on top honey.
Verdict: And why not, eh? - SS
You are easily pleased. Forget the jokes, the clever cartoons, the mpegs and assorted crap - all you want is a picture of Bart Simpson getting a blow job. Well here it is, along with about half a dozen other bawdy Simpson's pics. Simple, stupid, senseless, but definitely worth a look.
Verdict: Is that all? Doh! - SS
SEX FOREPLAY - HOW TO
Bianca's Masturbation Index
Bianca, is an alternative on-line community, and this little faculty is entirely devoted to the manual arts. A very good case is put forward in a collection of book excerpts for the healthy individual pursuit of sexual satisfaction. There could be more on offer, but there are some techniques and a chance to contribute your own ideas.
Sample: I push a lubed up dildo in and out with one hand, and either rub my clitoris or use a vibrator on my clitoris with the other hand. If using a vibrator, I'll also hold the vibrator against the dildo and up against my anus. Yeow! - SS
Verdict: Very handy hints. - SS
Net Worth: ***
Once you read the course outlines, you'll be scraping the money together for the airfare to California. Explore your erotic self in a safe group environment of full body massage in tranquil retreat settings. Nudity is essential and trust is built to the level where everyone is happy to erotically manipulate one another. Dozens of courses designed to zap you into ecstacy.
Sample: In a safe, serious and playful space that respects boundaries, women can embrace pleasure and beauty as their birthright and experience their bodies as powerful, expressive, and sacred.
Verdict: Switching on your red light. - SS
This one deals with a huge range of sex issues, morality, gender, porn and practice, in insightfully written articles. The kind of place to visit to compare and explore your own beliefs. Lifestyles of the kinked and off-beat - where do you fit in? You might want to read this before your next erotic escapade.
Sample: I woke up the next day at the usual time and reached down for my morning wank. While I lay stroking, my dick hardened and thickened in my hand but there was no satisfying explosion of stickiness over my fingers.
Verdict: Getting the kinks out. - SS
Created with the understanding that gays and lesbians have something very positive to contribute to the world because of their sexuality, this institute was established to explore erotic massage, sexual healing, spirituality, safe sex and sacred prostitution. Videos have been made, with the kind of content you'll probably never find at the local porn shop.
Sample: Many Gay men today are seeking environments which help them achieve a level of erotic and spiritual experience which is not available in the larger culture. I call these environments 'sex monasteries'.
Verdict: Divinity through rigidity. - SS
Johan's Guide To Aphrodisiacs
Has your penis passed it's use-by date? Ladies loins lacking lubrication? Enter the miracle cures! Onions, oysters, Spanish fly, snakes blood, fruits, nuts, spices, Viagra - if this humorous but scientifically sound site doesn't warm your engines, face it, you're ready for the sexual scrap heap.
Sample: During Pharaonic times celibate Egyptian priests were prohibited to eat onions because of the potential effects. Later on, in France, newlyweds were served onion soup on the morning after their wedding night to restore their libido.
Verdict: Spice up your life. - SS
Masturbation from Evangelical, Liberal Christian and Medical Perspectives
This one page site begins with a practical description of masturbation from a medical and personal perspective, then goes into great detail to discuss the various religious intolerances towards going solo. Fascinating reading, but with 99% of men in hell, heaven will be one big CWA meeting.
Sample: "...masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act... the deliberate use of the sexual faculty outside normal conjugal relations essentially contradicts the finality of the faculty." - The Pope.
Verdict: Let God handle it. - SS
New York Phalloplasty - Dr Whitehead
If you haven't got your hands full down there, you might rent some smaller hands at an hourly rate, or, as they say in the fast food biz, simply "up-size". Width, length, shape - the miracles of modern medicine can create the perfect tool for your enjoyment - and your friends. You'll be so proud, you'll be whipping it out at dinner parties.
Sample: Penile lengthening involves the release of the suspensory ligament (B) that attaches the 2 erectile bodies to the pubic bone (A). The suspensory ligament makes the penis arch under the pubic bone.
Verdict: Ouch! Ouch! Aaaaaahhh... - SS
Net Worth: ***
Sex Health Info Centre
If you want clinical advice on the who, what, why, where and how of sex, this is the place. Positions, techniques, safety, problems, aging - it's all given the once-over, along with quizzes, links and tip of the week. Very informative, especially if you are new to all this.
Sample: Use a lot of lubricant and tenderly massage the clitoris while slowly rocking back and forth, thrusting the penis gently in and out.
Verdict: Where are the pictures?? - SS
Just like TV, this guide is glossy and inoffensive to anyone, using very small pictures of tanned supermodels, and never crossing some imaginary line of disgustingness. It still manages to cover a lot of ground, and with it's matter-of-fact narrative, you'll find sex as easy as renovating your house or choosing a holiday destination.
Sample: Nuzzle, lick and suck her clitoris. You don't have to concentrate on her clitoris. Gently - and tenderly - lick and suck the labia.
Verdict: So this is where the Midday Show audience hang out these days... - SS
Society for Human Sexuality
With a domain name like this, what can you expect but a frank, open and explicit approach to the worlds oldest subject, sex. Promoting healthy, positive and enriching sexual experiences, the site will rent you a huge selection hard-core how-to videos. They also advise on how to host an erotic event, such as a Jack/Jill-off, among hundreds of other gloriously open-minded pursuits. Incredible attention to detail.
Sample: What were the key elements of this experience that made it so good for you? I'm actually willing to bet that the key elements didn't have much to do with technique at all, and had more to do with passion and energy.
Verdict: It's a shagadelic swing party, baby, yeah!. - SS
The Ultimate Masturbation Resource
Almost every other site I came across mentions this one somewhere. Let's face it, this is a pretty popular pastime. We need a place to turn to for guidance, support, encouragement, and of course, new ideas! If you can't keep yourself happy, you're in big trouble. Why not sign up and keep the good news coming. There are hundreds more ideas here than any couple love guides, maybe it's time to let your partner in on the secrets...
Sample: Why masturbate? If you've masturbated before, you know the answer to this question!
Verdict: Naughty Monkey! You deserve a good spank! - SS
Five teachers join forces to instruct the world how to turn the infamous "O" into a great big neon-lit "O" complete with sparks, fireworks, and the occasional moan and groan. Structured courses and, if you can't get to the States, mail order video will get you on your way to the pleasure dome.
Sample: I really enjoyed witnessing another woman's orgasm. I felt my body and I noticed that I didn't feel my pussy and I felt my heart beat fast, a rush of energy in my head and feeling relaxed.
Verdict: Come together, right now. - SS
The woman's orgasm has always been sold to us as a much rarer and harder to achieve state of ecstasy than the "wham bam" male equivalent, so it follows that the secrets of achieving this bliss are far more valuable. Enter the $12.95 solution. Minimal excerpts given, but you know it's going to take you from the flat lands of self-examination to the Hymalayas of pure joy, in easy-to-read facts and diagrams. That'll surely get the blood racing.
Sample: Step 1: Self-Examination. Step 7: Using Your Vaginal Pubococcygeal Muscle During Intercourse.
Verdict: O, what a feeling!. - SS
SEX FOREPLAY - RELATIONSHIPS
These twin sisters give the "double-take" by offering twin solutions to every problem. By following their advice, syndicated across the globe and out in paperback, your love life will be glowing with contentment. A little bit more hype than help here, but they are certainly dedicated to their mission to become very wealthy and successful advice columnists.
Sample: Recruit love! Use the business skills you have to find love.
Verdict: Double trouble. - SS
Net Worth: ***
Ask Dr Love
If you are going to call yourself, Dr Love, you'd better have the right stuff, and this particular Doctor Love does. Psychologist and business genius Dr Jamie Turndorf has created a relationship universe here with advice, compatibility tests, private consultations and chat room. The fame this woman has achieved is a sad indictment of our inability to get it on together.
Sample: If you are sure that your wife doesn't have parasites, and she wife washes before you practice analingus, you should be fine.
Verdict: Don't be Turndorf... this is a good site. - SS
At The Fence
The web substitute for discussing your problems over the neighbour's fence. As the fences get higher and the alarm systems get installed, this is a great alternative. Married couples, especially those with kids are catered for, with plenty of advice, issues, letters and feature articles, all with a sensible, non-judgemental Christian approach.
Sample: It is natural, albeit painful, for a parent/child relationship to move to the next level, that of adult/adult. Children sometimes have problems moving to that level, as well as parent. It is probably the most difficult transition in the relationship.
Verdict: Someone to talk to. - SS
Australian Institute of Family Studies
Way back in 1980, our government of the day heard the alarm bells of family disintegration, and set up the AIFS to try and figure out what was going wrong, and to do something about it. 20 Years later, and... well we have more statistics! The complexities of family life are delved into very thoroughly and slowly the recommendations and policies are beginning to surface.
Sample: "...it is to the family that most of us still look for deep, committed and affectionate relationships, particularly in the form of enduring and exclusive sexual union between adults"
Verdict: Perhaps they should read the rest of this magazine! - SS
BrainBlitz.com Love Tests and Quizzes
"Do I make you horny?" Perhaps Austin Powers should have come to this site for a complete and unbiased answer to that question. Every aspect of interpersonal relationships is analysed in various surveys. How emotional are you? How do you resolve conflict? Some humorous, some serious, all intriguing, especially if you like proving conclusively what a dud you are.
Sample: One way to scope out potential cash clashes is to get a feel for your partner's financial style and compare it with your own.
Verdict: No cheating now... you know you are a sex God. - SS
Brenda's Dating Advice for Geeks
Tongue firmly planted in cheek, with Brady Bunch references, tips for losers and high school dates from hell, but somewhere in here are the answers to your most perplexing issues. Some funny stuff here, like the Worst Personal Ad section. Advice from a Chick Magnet, and fan mail written by Brenda's like-minded and just as funny readers.
Sample: SWM, old, fat, balding, many disgusting habits seeks SWF with money. Send pictures of your house, car, RV. This could be your lucky day.
Verdict: The lighter side of being a lovelorn loser. - SS
Dating Patterns Analyser
A simple and effective way to examine your various choices of dating partners, which indicate a lot about you. By rating each date on certain criteria - Talkative? Attractive? Spiritual? Adventurous? - you get to see what you've been searching for in your endless trips to coffee shops, restaurants and theatres.
Sample: Some people like to talk, others value silence; some people like to climb mountains, others prefer to watch; some people like to laugh, others are more serious. Just answer as honestly as you can.
Verdict: Happiness is just a pop quiz away. - SS
Net Worth: ***
Don't Get Married
Mark Perkel is an angry man. His divorce was a smooth process until a lawyer talked his wife into going for the throat. Here's the entire story, and he goes far enough to create his own action group "People Before Lawyers". There's no stopping this man. He's angry, but he's not after revenge, he really believes in fixing injustice. Check out how he sued the US Government for publishing porn!
Sample: Here in America there are a lot of people making a lot of money splitting up relationships hunting for people like you to suck you dry.
Verdict: Anger is an energy. - SS
E-Harmony Free Marriage Profile
Clinical Psychologist Dr Warren offers a free book in exchange for one hour each of you and your spouse's time. The survey won't provide you with all the answers, but it is for the good of mankind, as the Doc figures out ways to profit from this information, and maybe help a few people along the way. Cynical aren't I? At least you get a free book.
Sample: By completing the questionnaire you will also help Dr. Warren with his effort to change how individuals choose the person they marry. You will actually make a significant difference in the lives of countless people by helping Dr. Warren complete the development of this revolutionary model.
Verdict: Your spouse was a multiple choice question. - SS
Friends and Lovers
Overlook the amateurish design, and you will find quite a helpful little web site. Live chat and forums, advice from experts and other visitors, a chapel-of-love commitment page and plenty of archived scenarios that may strike a chord with your own situation. Some nice interactive fun stuff here too, like a "Sweetie-Gram" and greeting cards and some fun and games to play while you wait for your partner to come home late.
Sample: Tony, you have been sitting on a powder keg since Tisha expressed doubts about your impending marriage. Everything since has only delayed the explosion. It would have been better if the blast occurred before the wedding.
Verdict: Ah, the joys of love. - SS
How To Meet Women - The Shy Man's Guide to Relationships
What better way to meet women than to sit at home reading this entire book on line? The shy guy is especially disadvantaged in the usual mate-meeting circumstances, where domination and confidence seem to win every time. The book is well written, understands the predicament of the socially inept, and sincerely offers a way out. Goodbye wall flower, hello wolf! Let the sleazing begin!
Sample: Unlike the professional Romeos, those manipulators and skillful predators who attract women effortlessly, you see a love relationship as the singularly precious thing it is. How very fortunate will be the woman who wins your heart.
Verdict: It's the shy ones you have to watch out for. - SS
Infidelity.com - The Number 1 Infidelity Support Network
It makes for good movie and soapie scripts, and it fills the talk shows and coffee break gossip sessions, but where do you turn when you become a victim of infidelity? No-one is prepared for the pain and suffering that a cheating partner creates. Well you are not alone, and at last there is a support network to help you get through this tough life-lesson. You may even be able to prevent it happening.
Sample: It's not easy to admit that your spouse is having an extra-marital affair. It took a lot of courage to view this web site. You've taken the first step, which was the hardest one to take.
Verdict: Time to take care of your own affairs. - SS
Grab the meditation rug, crystals and healing oils, it's time to find love from within. The path to happiness awaits as you uncover the ancient and new age secrets to life. Click your way to holistic metaphysical growth and enlightenment. Oh and don't forget to buy the products.
Sample: The great love pouring forth from this Angel of Healing embraces us, and we begin to feel a new wholeness as the healing takes place, and a new sense of hope within as we move closer to our God Reality.
Verdict: Love me, love my unlimited potential. - SS
Manhood On Line
Times are a-changing. Women are freeing themselves, it's time for men to do the same. Manhood is a movement to awaken the caring, nurturing, gentle masculinity in men, through working together within and without. Better fathers, better lovers, better people. This Aussie arm of the men's movement takes a small step in the right direction.
Sample: We cannot speak for all men, or for the men's movement as a whole, but we will publish material that supports men healing the pain - and freeing the potential - of all people, and all life, everywhere.
Verdict: Slightly undersized. - SS
So that's why the divorce rate is so high! Us round pegs have been struggling to fit into the square hole of monogamy, leading to distress, adultery, and a huge boom in the sex industry. All the while, we should have been doing what comes naturally - loving in groups! This site is a great resource explaining polyamory and providing an extensive list of resources.
Sample: Polyamory is about community, honesty and ethics. Polyamory is about future family models and the belief that human beings have the ability to love more than one person intimately in a committed, sustainable, multiple relationship.
Verdict: Spread your love around. - SS
Relate - Relationship Skills for Love, Family and Life
Governments tend to want to see the return of traditional family values, and this Initiative is a definite step to achieve that end. A resource for couples either contemplating marriage, trying to save a marriage, or wanting to get the most out of marriage are catered
for with many courses, consultations and tips. All stages of heterosexual monogamous life are covered.
Sample: "Having a marriage that survives isn't good enough... we're going to have one that succeeds."
Verdict: Well-meaning government intervention. - SS
Sex Addicts Anonymous
If you just can't get enough, maybe it's an addiction thing. Maybe it's time to seek help and support. Maybe you ought to visit this web site and find out how millions of people are struggling with their sex addiction, and rebuilding their lives through the age-old 12-step process.
Sample: The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable.
Verdict: And you thought it might be fun. - SS
The Other Woman
Dedicated entirely to the "affair" this site presents countless personal accounts, journalist reports, forums, chat, poetry and f.a.q. about this all-too-common phenomenon. Why does it happen? What is the price you pay? How can this evil be stopped?? So long as "Thong Woman" is out there, I'd say never!
Sample: If you are involved in an extramarital affair, this is a place for you to speak freely and honestly with others who experience the same highs and lows you do.
Verdict: Home of the home-wreckers. - SS
Australian Sex Industry Workers Organisation
You wonder why the oldest profession has been one of the last to get basic rights and safe working conditions. We've always accepted the fact that sex workers exist, but we find it hard accepting that we are their customers, hence the ongoing illegality and lack of community and political support. At last, the girls (and boys) themselves have taken up the task and joined the world movement to change community attitudes and build self-esteem. This site provides information, help and even a magic spell.
Sample: The biggest challenge our sisters and brothers face... Law Reform.
Verdict: Doin' it for themselves. - SS
Net Worth: *****
Come up and see me sometime
The life line sex work project is a UK survey intended to gather facts and figures about the sex industry in order to empower anyone working within it. It has gone much further than information gathering - it is now a total focus point for every issue concerning sex workers, from legal and political updates (global), to a warning bulletin of dangerous clients.
Sample: Whores are rebelling against the absurd, patriarchal, sex-negative
laws against their profession and fighting for the legal right to receive financial compensation for their valuable work.
Verdict: The industry standard. - SS
Escort Services - Legal Issues
Marc Perkel is a political activist and escort service customer, and provides this well written, pragmatic and easy to understand guide to the ins and outs of the escort industry - just another business. His male guide to using services is refreshingly honest and frank and argues strongly for an enlightened understanding of the whole business. The argument for legal acceptance of the business is very strong.
Sample: There are a lot of things they don't teach you in school, and one of them is how to use an escort service.
Verdict: The customer knows best - SS
Domain set up by Arizona web business for in-depth political activism, and as a gateway to sex worker art, education and culture foundation ISWFACE, various products and info on Cop-come-Call-Girl Norma Jean Almodovar - who has led an understandably colourful life. Committed to reforming hypocritical, archaic and harmful laws.
Sample: Our goal is to educate and create an atmosphere which encourages the artistic growth of current, ex and transitioning sex workers, and stimulates the academic research necessary to positively impact the lives of men and women in sex work.
Verdict: The times they are a-changin' - SS
Home of the Whore Activist
There's a lot more going on in the world of prostitution than trick-turning. Films, documentaries, political demonstration, education programs, conferences, literature and legal struggles colour the whore's world, and it's time to tune in, or get left behind in the dark ages of the second millennium.
Sample: BELIEVING that LIBERTY was to have been the sweetest fruit of INDEPENDENCE. - Sex worker Magna Carta
Verdict: Whorably good information. - SS
Hugh Loebner's Robin Head Page
Here is the human face of injustice. A woman who ran an escort service in Texas is doing 10 years prison for her business endeavours. Hugh provides a few photo's of this decidedly uncriminal-looking convict, links to Robin's own sites, and transcripts of the indictment and sentence. If you think 10 years is a little harsh, show your support.
Sample: I am a "TEXAS MADAM" sentenced to 10 years in prison for owning a wonderful ESCORT SERVICE, one of the thousands listed in the Yellow Pages across the U.S. and even world wide on the Internet.
Verdict: You can't pass this cost on to your consumers. - SS
Liberated Christians Swing and Polyamory Resource Centre
The battle is on between those who wish to live a lifestyle of their own choosing, and those that don't want them to. With bible tucked under each arm, the adversaries battle in the courts and public forums. Morality is at stake on one side, freedom on the other. This site is a large repository for the swinging voters. Anything concerning alternative sexuality choices is discussed, including the amazing masturbation machine - "Sybian".
Sample: Simply, in my view, God celebrates physical pleasure and provides it for the good of those who believe in him.
Verdict: Convincing biblical arguments for enjoying life to the full. - SS
Net Worth: *****
The powerful look of this site emphasises the powerful content. Sacred Whores, a memorial to slain prostitutes, Sex Magick, essays and rituals, fetish awareness, prostitution museum - you're plugged into pussy power, and it feels good.
Sample: Sexwork itself doesn't lead to victimization, in fact many workers find it empowering. Poverty and unsafe working conditions are the two main culprits in violence against sexworkers.
Verdict: Trix of the trade. - SS
Sex Workers of Seattle
In line with the slow and steady global movement towards liberation and openness, Seattle sex workers formed this organisation to further the cause. A small but potent site with book recommendations, articles, links, discussion board and a newsletter.
Sample: We wanted to provide a space for dialogue about the sex industry for women who work in it and raise awareness of our common experiences and goals.
Verdict: Working towards a better future. - SS
Sexual Freedom Coalition
On the road to reform, lies another organisation, this one concerned mainly with breaking down the barriers of intolerance for extraordinary sex practice. Sex events are crucial to the movement - marches, balls and awards nights. Sex is fun after all, so why not celebrate?
Sample: SFC Aims - to teach individuals, the media and authorities to revere sexual pleasure.
Verdict: Celebrate good times - come on! - SS
The World Sex Guide
A collection of information mostly posted to alt.sex.prostitution which claims to be here for freedom and liberty of all concerned. Although there are positive whore-related postings, it really looks like this is much more of sex-tour guide. Where to get the best sex at the cheapest prices around the globe - which seems a little contrary to me. The information is all personal accounts with addresses and prices, and how to overcome any local difficulties.
Sample: Sure, El Salvador has a bum rap because of wars and death squads, but they're harbouring some of the most beautiful women in Central America...
Verdict: Poverty and war has created a booming sex industry. - SS
Network of Sex Work Projects
This informal global alliance works hard to promote health and safety among sex workers, and help free unwilling participants of the sex industry from slavery. Persecuted by pimps, governments, society and police, sex workers have precious little support. The NSWP steps in where no one else will.
Sample: ...by distinguishing sex work from other forms of labour, such an approach reinforces the marginal, and therefore vulnerable, status of the sex worker.
Verdict: Someone to watch over you. - SS
Commercial Sex Information Service
Vancouver based site, allows services to promote themselves, and covers sex worker bulletins such as murders and assaults. Health information, legal issues and world news flashes make for an interesting read. Having the commercial links means that you can go direct to escort service home pages and see what's on the menu - if you can afford it.
Sample: If a date wants to pay you to be in a video and you're over 18, and you don't mind who sees it later, that's your business. Otherwise, think twice.
Verdict: Tips from the inside. - SS
How to make a good porn links site - have some strict rules and adhere to them. Without the unscrupulous operators, this gallery becomes a clean and high quality page. Once you check the soft core nudie shots, and the top ten referral sites, it's into the gallery posts. Sites that offer a choice selection of pics to tempt you to join. Just keep thumbin through the links, you'll see just about all you can handle until your next craving attack. If you stay only one or two clicks away from this site, you'll be safe and satisfied.
Sample: If the page is plain shitty, or takes forever to load ... it won't be listed
Verdict: At last, some standards of decency in the porn trade! - SS
Net Worth: *****
69 Sex Lane
Creative domain naming and a regular update schedule makes for a popular site. Hot sites of the day and tons of other postings lead you around the same merry-go-round of porn, but the constant renewal makes for a seemingly endless selection of action shots. I really don't know where they get all these photos. There seem to be enough porn stars to populate an entire country. Or is it just the same old faces in new positions? I can't figure it out, but I'll keep clicking until I do. Some choice links here.
Verdict: This is a good address to pull up to. - SS
A straight forward text search that allows you access to however big their library of sites is. No guarantee that you will not get the crappiest sites on the planet, but it's worth trying. A few extra features are offered, but mainly this is a dollar-driven links site. The main sites are either very popular or good scammers.
Verdict: 'Seek' is a four-letter-word.. - SS
This guy needs more beer money to feed his secondary substance addiction, so he runs a 24 hour telethon for all the drunken perverts out there. No shame here about the subject matter. Porn is what you crave, porn is what you'll get. All the usual sites are linked here, plus little more variety than other sites - after all, you're really drunk, and your inhibitions have left the building. You're probably starting to come up with creative uses for all those empty bottles.
Verdict: Where is the link to professional counselling? - SS
How anyone can make money out of porn when there is so much free stuff is beyond me. This woman-owned site has some higher resolution samples than most, and hundreds of postings. Each one has a short description, and unlike most sites, the links I checked were actually pics of what they said they would be. Now how many years have you got to get through this list? Don't you have mail to deliver, employees to shoot? Go Postal!
Verdict: Special delivery. - SS
Green Guy Link-o-Rama
The little green dude is all over the net salivating and leering at the plethora of porn. This is his home. You can go a long way with a good sense of humour, and the disclaimer will have you in stitches as you click your way to masses of misogynistic mayhem. Humanity is reduced to primal urges of sex and greed, but the pics are so stimulating. What can you do but surrender and let the green guy take control? Nothing - click on, fool.
Verdict: It's time to bone up on your own steamy desires. - SS
Besides the usual truckload of banner ads, this is the sex hit parade, which will guide you like a randy ram to where all the other sheep are herding. The chat channel is lively and a little crowded, and there are resources for adult webmasters. 50,000,000 visitors a day makes for a bigger portal than Bill Gates could dream up. The digital nervous system seems to have a lot of nerve endings in its digital groin.
Verdict: Charting your erotic escapades. - SS
Net Worth: ****
I have a funny feeling I reviewed Tommy about four years ago, and he had about twelve hard core pics you wouldn't normally find sitting on a web page.
My how times have changed! Tommy is now a mega-site getting millions of hits and referring perverts the world over to the best of the best free porn. He's conveniently sorted the links into categories, and provided brief descriptions so you might save a day or two out of your year-long sex-a-thon. Make sure you change hands every now and then to reduce blistering.
Verdict: Tommy - the porn-ball wizard. - SS
This is where the webmasters go to get their stats, and compete to climb the ladder of success. With millions of hits tracked daily, the competition os fast and furious - hence all those ridiculously over-the-top banner ads you find everywhere. The top 100 should lead you just about anywhere you might wish to go in your lifetime. Maybe you can work out the secret and start your own warped web site and perpetuate the male distorted perception of femininity. There are favourite sites, category ranks and random site selection, so your mouse finger will be worn out about the same time as your other hand.
Verdict: XXX marks the spot. - SS
Mark is getting a lot of hits, and I can see why. Not only is it a huge set of links to trillions of pictures of naked people engaging in procreational activities, he is about the only dude I've seen that provides links to News and Sport as well. Presumably, this makes it easier to surf the site from work. A quick click when the boss comes in, and you're researching the Nikkei Index, moments later, you're back watching Nikki using her index finger in ways you hadn't imagined.
Verdict: You've really hit the mark. - SS
When you are moving as many rubbers as Ansell, you can afford to roll on the tech to protect your share of the market. The flash and colour leads you to a site full of ad campaigns, product instruction manuals, games, visitor surveys, competitions and events. A full-blown multimedia campaign, which turns this rather unremarkable medical product into the coolest thing since roller-blades.
Sample: We're teaming up with "The Ticket" 1050AM as "The Official Condom of the Oakland Raiders". The Ticket will be talking up LifeStyles Condoms, big time, throughout the season!
Verdict: Contraceptive marketing Concepts. - SS
Net Worth: ****
Join "Prophylactic Pete" as he gallops through this mega site on horseback, whipping up the lubes, 'doms, dildos, accessories, videos books and rounding up the feature products to highlight the joys of safe sex - country style - and all in the good fun spirit that this subject should be viewed with. They even have a live chat customer service line and some downloadable radio ads just for fun.
Sample: By the by, if sumpin happins which gets the ranch folk all in a lather, like a special deal or neato keen new item, we like to fire up the cumputer and send messages to the four corners. Jes' type your email address and click Subscribe and y'all hear from me once a month or so.
Verdict: Fer when yer saddlin' up to ride the old lady again. Yee Haa! - SS
The Female Condom
At first you may be thinking "why?" when male condoms seem to do the trick fine, and are definitely the most popular choice. Well there are plenty of good reasons for using the female condom and it has some advantages you wouldn't necessarily consider. It can be worn hours before the big moment and is touted as a revolutionary step for women to gain complete control in protecting themselves from disease and unwanted pregnancy. Drew Barrymore agrees, as do countless guest book respondees.
Sample: You believe in being the absolute first to try out anything new, from platform shoes to vamp nail polish. You are a true pioneer.
Verdict: One giant step for womankind. - SS
From doms to dams to home testing kits, lubes, toys and entertainment, Condom Sense brings you a wide variety in a slickly packaged site of sexy shopping fun. A very silly Sex-e-gram, horoscope and "don't ask Michelle" fill in the spaces between your shopping cart escapades. It's browse, shop, win and chuckle as you spice up your life without leaving your desk. Now that makes condom sense.
Sample: *New* Wet Sugar-free flavored lubes in stock and on sale! - Click Here!
Verdict: Easy to use, safe and healthy. - SS
Some companies are starting to finally get what the net is all about, and Durex is one of them. It's not just about selling your product, it's about entertainment and involvement. Travel the world form the departure lounge, to get your local themed version of the site, which is filled with humour, eye-candy, love and sex info, health advice, clinical studies, surveys, research, history, downloadable digital lovers(!)... and not a shopping trolley in sight. Contains all the info you need, and plenty of juicy bait to keep you coming back just for fun.
Sample: 100-200AD The earliest evidence of condom use in Europe are scenes from cave paintings at Combarelles in France.
Verdict: An im-pecker-ble effort. - SS
Condom Club International
Back in the 70's, everyone used to join record clubs and book clubs to receive the latest releases at discount prices and get special offers. Now, your own 'releases' are catered for with a novel approach to selling condoms - "condom of the month" clubs. Each month you receive a special pack of 15 select rubbers, some lube and a cute pouch. This surely is encouraging promiscuity. What do you do if you don't use them all? You'd be too embarrassed to cancel your subscription. "I ain't getting any, please cancel my order" - just won't cut it.
Sample: The Club encourages consumers to experiment with a variety of condom brands and styles to find the type that will feel good and which will best suit their lifestyle.
Verdict: I hear they make great balloons. - SS
Join "Clever Dick", the red rubber fellow, as he guides you through the cartoon-style e-commerce Flash site (the worlds first, apparently). It's pretty much a standard on-line condom shop, but it sure looks cool, with all the wiggly sperm swimming around and cute animations everywhere. If this site doesn't turn you on, you don't need condoms anyway.
Sample: I'm Clever Dick - the Condom Wizard. I'll pick out the perfect condom for you.
Verdict: You'll be like a kid in an eye-candy store. - SS
Net Worth: ****
The Rubber Tree
Remember when condoms were a public health issue rather than a huge marketing opportunity? Well these guys do - they started way back in the 70's with Zero Population Growth and STD prevention. Now the web has taken off, they have handed the task of non-profit distribution of condoms on-line to "SHAPE" who offer a wide range at very low prices. A secure store, health info, volunteer info and more about the mission that can be found hanging from the rubber tree.
Sample: We're here to help people make safe, responsible decisions about their reproductive and sexual health.
Verdict: Social conscience bounces back. - SS
Condoms @ Condomania World of Safer Sex
A well-made commercial site with everything accessible from the front page using convenient pop-down menus and a few feature articles leading to specials and novelty products. The Condom Wizard appears again, along with condom rating guides, innovations and the unique "condom pager". A few t-shirts, books and games are available here, just like a real condom shop.
Sample: Although this faux pager can't tell you when others are looking for you, it will allow you to come when they call!
Verdict: Making it easy. - SS
The Official Condom Directory
Some nice person has gone and found a bunch of condom sites and linked to them all without even arranging affiliate status with them (silly huh?). It's not a huge collection, but a bit of a browse will take you to a fair slice of the market with the knowledge that this person must be selecting good links, to proudly call it the official directory. Have a poke around and see what comes up.
Sample: The Condom Directory does not rate condom sites, rather its purpose is to classify condom related sites by category.
Verdict: Better than a million page search engine result. - SS
Condoms 4 Free
In the hope of scoring a few click through points and royalties on extra sales, this site presents to you the free sample offers of condom manufacturers and stores. Great idea, lame effort. Hasn't been updated in years, has three links and one doesn't work - but you can get two free condoms, what a bounty!! The only reason I'm reviewing this is in the hope that someone reads it and goes off and sets up their own site and does it properly. Fee Condoms! It has to work!
Sample: Over the coming months Condoms 4 Free will become a safer sex apparatus mecca for free goods and special deals to protect Mr. Willy and Ms. Hoochie Koochie.
Verdict: Yeah right... - SS
The Condom Rose
Nothing says "I Love You" better than roses, and nothing says "Let's Shag" like a Condom Rose. Yes Roses with petals made out of red-packaged condoms, for just $14.95 +p&h. They look very tacky, but it's the thought that counts - the thought of getting naked and going hell for rubber.
Sample: The Condom Rose is a wonderful way to express thoughtfulness, healthy concern or just love. These roses may make you laugh and will encourage responsibility without taking the fun out of it.
Verdict: The things people dream up to make a quid these days... - SS
Condom Orders Australia
No frills local condom shopping as you browse the range, add up the total and buy the stuff. A reasonable range of the condoms you'll find in the supermarket (without the embarrassment) and a few lubes and flavoured ones. If this is too hard to figure out, the operator has even put their mobile phone number on the site, so call the dude.
Sample: Order Now Click Here.
Verdict: Quick, easy and very boring. - SS
These local folk design and build sex furniture. "Huh?" I hear you say. Key word "secure" - as in bondage, stocks, straps etc.. Getting the idea? Coupled with a selection of dildos, restraints, paddles, whips and other assorted toys, your new furniture will be the talking point at your next cock-tale party. Spanking stocks, kneeling stocks, whipping posts, tickling stocks - the groin boggles at the possibilities.
Sample: Most pieces fold flat for easy storage and transporting.
Verdict: Ouch! Don't! Stop! Oooh... Don't stop! - SS
Club X Australia
At the time of review, this site was being reworked, so there was only a brief flash intro to what ClubX offers and not much about what was to come in the new store. The nationwide sex giant has a huge network of marketing, people-meeting and events such as the 'Sexpo'. I have bookmarked the site in eager anticipation of its launch. I suggest you do too. If nothing else it will be one hum-donger of an online sex supermarket.
Sample: Coming Soon...
Verdict: I can't wait. - SS
The "Ultimate Place" to buy adult toys. Well it's a bold claim, but the site itself does have some cool features. Follow the shapes to shop, learn or play. Browse all the toys and pleasure accessories, find out more about dildos and sex issues, or just have fun with erotica, jokes and the pillow book, a user-created on-line story board. The very clean-cut design makes for a smooth journey to what you want - and the product range is rather impressive.
Sample: We also feature what we like to call S.A.F.E Shopping: That stands for "Secure And Fun Erotic" Shopping.
Verdict: This X-iting Xite dexerves inxpexion. - SS
A Guide To Sex Toys
From the annals of sexuality.org comes this complete run-down of the variety and uses of non-human sex implements. It is a very detailed study into what, where and how to use devices such as dildos, vibrators, G-spot stimulators, harnesses, anal toys, strap-ons, lubes, cock rings, doms, dams, and when you're all spent from all the stimulation - how to clean them all! Whatever tickles your fancy here can be bought directly through their Goodvibes store on line. Cool!
Sample: Aquassager - This battery-powered vibrator's main selling point is that it can be used under and around water (i.e. in a hot tub, bath, or shower).
Verdict: Giving sex toys a thorough going-over. - SS
Adult Shopping From Exxtasy Enterprises
With the slogan, "Monogamy Doesn't have to mean Monotony", you are taken to an assorted range of devices and implements, via an absolutley basic table of text - which is kind of all you need. You want a butt plug, hey, click on the butt plug and buy it. Warning - open your mind before proceeding as some of the products could shock the uninitiated. There are many standard devices as well, so it's well worth a browse to discover just what the possibilities are - but you wouldn't want to bring some of this stuff along on your first date.
Sample: "Mr. Knubby love ring" vibrating energizer bulge for direct clit, testicle or anal arousal. To be worn during intercourse. Pure latex, multispeed.
Verdict: Whatever turns you on. - SS
Club X Sexpo
No doubt you've heard about this huge travelling sex circus already. Well here is the official site. The events, past, present and future, which are getting bigger and bigger every time, are packed with a huge range of exhibitors. Obviously they want you to go to the events, but the site has on-line ordering of showbags and merchandise, just in case your mother won't let you go.
Sample: The original concept was to hold a 2-day Sex Toy 'Touch and Feel' event designed to allow the public to come and see that sex toys are a method of enhancing ones sex life and not something to be scared or embarrassed about.
Verdict: Out of the closet and onto the nightly news. - SS
Blue Marlin Adult Sex Supermarket
This colourful and diverse site features a full range of adult products and services from porn to phone sex to toys, apparel, videos, books, lotions and novelties. Sex is big business - so big that now they are offering "Adult Equities" - a way to invest in the business yourself without having to open a dirty book shop. Returns are boasted at up to 600%p.a.! Our liberal attitudes have brought sex into the open now and the gold rush has begun.
Verdict: Who said money can't buy me love? - SS
Adult Toys Australia
Proudly flying the flag, this very straight-forward on-line shop brings you lists and more lists of categorised sex products. It's a case of click, click, browse, and bang onto the credit card - whatever your groin desires. No more embarrassing trips to town hoping your boss, wife or mother don't see you ducking up the stairs of some seedy shop. You can stay holed up at home, pizza boxes and beer cartons piling up around you as you sink into a compulsive obsessive fixation on your nether regions. Next booming business will be on-line sex therapists to snap you back into the real world.
Verdict: It's all too easy- SS
Australian Adult Products On Line
Bringing Aussie sex to the world, and throwing in a free stuffed Koala with every order, you can use the currency converter and browse the instant shopping mall to satisfy your every need. The weekly sex position tips and sex confessions are like muzak as you consider your next purchase. A Zen dildo, some lube, a couple of rotating butt plugs and maybe a pocket blow job mouth or two, and you might save 10% on your $200 order into the bargain. Does that turn you on? Well surf on over, big boy.
Sample: Giant Pussy - Its soft, fleshy feel is just the beginning! The life like, textured insides VIBRATE while the multi-speed rotation motor simultaneously massages your cock like a hot, horny woman in total ecstasy.
Verdict: Have a good prod around. - SS
Bondage, Fetish and Kinky Sex Toys
A megastore of perverted proportions, offering all manner of devices (mainly leather) to enhance your playful exploits. Slings, restraints, wrist bands, collars, pouches, hoods, nipple clamps, masks, hoods, gauntlets - the depth of human ingenuity is astounding. Why stop at a vibrator and lube, when you can elevate yourself to astonishing heights of ecstasy with the kind of gear on offer here. Ordering is easy and there is even a very helpful size guide, so on-line ordering is as good as walking onto a shop on all fours.
Verdict: Strap me up in your love, baby. - SS
Finally vacuum pumps have their very own home on the net. Yes LA Pump Distributing is an innovative company dedicated to bring you up to size for your future dilated dalliances. The range, the size options, the lubes and attachments and not forgetting the big boys forum, cockpump chat, personals and big dick photo gallery - which is sure to astound. I don't know if anyone has yet proven if it actually works, but there's no harm in trying, besides the shame of being caught by your flat mate, unless he's doing it too...
Sample: Message Board: Bi male who gets pumped with 2 bi males and fucks each others wives, and each other.....love sucking hot big dicks and hairy pussy. Can eat hairy butts for hours....Have pics if interested..Name is Tom
Verdict: It's just like training at the gym, really. - SS
So you have all the gizmos in the world and you still ain't satisfied? Maybe it's time to check the herbal options. With a combination of vitamin 'M', some creams, the odd aphrodisiac, some Noni juice and a good dose of vaginal constrictor, you'll be hitting the heights again in no time. This site has a neat little shopping cart feature that loads your stuff into a small Java window, which is kinda cool. They have some hair products as well, so maybe you can spruce up your pubes for your loved one to appreciate next time they are down there.
Verdict: Virility in a bottle. - SS
SEX - VIRTUAL REALITY
10 years in the making, Virtual Valerie has evolved into a fully rendered 3D sex goddess, who lets you in on her action. Not much on offer here unless you sign up with Adult Check, but the small screen grabs of this interactive nymphomaniac are enough to have you whipping out your, uh, credit card.
Sample: Use your ''helping hand'' and/or throbber to rack up points with Valerie!
Verdict: Oh, look, she makes the letter V with her legs. - SS
Net Worth: ***
Paradise Electro Stimulations
Why do all the fetishists have all the fun? It's time for the missionary positionists and hand soloists to claim their right to the full sexual experience. Enter PES - the giant step into the future using the magic of electricity to fire up your nerve endings. Some of these devices look positively scary, but you have the control box at your fingertips. Now all you have to do is get your cyber-sex partner to join you.
Sample: Latex straps are provided to hold the shield closely against the Venus mound, making good contact with the labial lips.
Verdict: Shockingly stimulating. - SS
Virtual Sex Machine
You knew it was coming, now here is the world's first (apparently) affordable computer-connected virtual sex machine. Plug it in to your parallel port and start clicking away on your CD Rom. The device follows the action stroke for stroke, what more could you ask for? Female version coming soon... Time to hit the chat channels!
Sample: Many companies have speculated about it, talked about, and promised it. We are the only Company in History to Deliver on those promises.
Verdict: Well, that remains to be felt. - SS
Something happened to this poor lad way back in his twisted childhood, that triggered a massive fixation with rubber. Thanks to his psychotic condition, we are treated to a gallery of rubberised femininity and some more recent diversions of his desires. Gas masks, lycra, swimming caps and just plain weird. The "hazmat" garb is so ridiculous it's worth a good try.
Sample: My next encounter with rubber came when I discovered the frilly pink swimcap that my mother had.
Verdict: Whatever turns you on, man. - SS
Sex Machine 101 - a complete guide to the history, variety and practical uses of machines to pursue pleasure. It beats building machines to kill each other. Plenty of well-sourced piccies support the detailed text describing the lengths some people go to give that extra 'zing' to their private parts. I get the feeling this could just be man's way of avoiding responsibility. Can't make her cum? Build a machine to do it!
Sample: Just imagine how different things might be if Thomas Edison had spent as much time on sex machines as he did his other inventions!
Verdict: He, she and it - the perfect threesome - SS
Home page of the ASFR newsgroup, an army of geeks - who have spent just a little too long at their computers - has decided that it's easier to build robot women than learn to talk to real ones. It's time to teach the world that fem-bots are better. The stories, links, Robot FAQ's and a huge guest book of like-minded visitors will get your circuits firing.
Sample: You drop to all fours to get a good look at her at her level. So smooth a face, like porcelain far finer than the dolls in your collection. Doll...good lord, she's a doll. No, she's one of the Professor's...dollybots, he calls them. Oh, God, how does she turn on...
Verdict: If you can't nail 'em, build 'em. - SS
Sign up as a member and get your fix of doctored photos of models with wires and hydraulics protruding from flesh wounds. Bonus features include Shockwave girls, interactive robot chat and movie clips. Somehow I don't think you will really get value for your $8.50 a month, but it might well be worth a 30 day peek.
Sample: Teshedo model with water damage. Teshedos' leg joint seal failed on the beach, creating internal sparks which melted the plastiskin away. Teshedo, was repaired and is now fine.
Verdict: I think I prefer the real thing. - SS
With the magic of Hollywood latex technology, the perfect lifeless woman has been created. Feel those silicone breasts! They're just like real silicone breasts! Now starring in a porno and getting rave reviews from customers like "it's the best sex I've ever had!", perfection is just $5249.00 away. And that includes all three holes!
Sample: BODY 3: 5'10", 38DD breasts, dancer type body. Compatable with heads 1, 2, 5. You should familiarize yourself with the process of dressing and undressing your doll before investing in additional clothes
Verdict: Stay still honey, I'll be coming soon. - SS
Net Worth: ****
'Gyn', as in Gynaecology, 'oid' as in Android, this is a gallery of virtual women who have adorned our screens and stimulated our libidos for eons. From Metropolis to Dr Who to Bladerunner, hydraulic honeys rule supreme in this rather basic site of pics, trivia and the chance to trade films with other 'bot-buffs.
Sample: Guestbook - There must be more females out there interested in robots and androids (perhaps, fascinated in being one?). Please get in touch if you're a likewise thinking girl.
Verdict: Women's Machination. - SS
Ctheory - Venus In Microsoft.
I hope your reading skills haven't diminished after all this surfing. Here is an intensely serious esoteric existential discourse into the global impact of the gender forces, art, technology and power on our planet, as we enter the age of digital simulation. The style is a bit "Alice In Wonderland", but then, so is the subject matter - life.
Sample: Is this what makes mas(s)ochism today so attractive - its promise of pleasurable spaces in excess of discipline? But so is the danger that, in response to such ritual perversions of discipline, CAPITAL will arm itself with new technologies of image management, supplementing the rigidities of "normalization" with the more flexible seduction of consent.
Verdict: Go figure - digitally. - SS
Ok, so they don't talk back, they always look good, even first thing in the morning, but can they cook? Here is the ultimate shrine to the classic shop window babe. History, Manufacturers, Ordering, Images, Collectors and Living Mannequins. Hey, if these babes and dudes weren't so sexy, the shops wouldn't use them, would they? Admit it, you've had evil thoughts walking through Grace Brothers' fashion section. Plenty of fun stories archived.
Sample: *Help me!* *Help,* she silently shouted to him... Lightly, almost lovingly, he began to brush the duster along her waxy naked form, following along the stiffened curves of her slim waist and across her firmly poised breasts.
Verdict: Waxing Lyrical. - SS
Virtual Sex Games
The future is here. Sex and computers are now integrated, as the developers forge ahead knowing that the demand will be astronomical as people become more and more isolated and their social skills reduced to e-mails and