Articles

By Stefan Sojka

Name of Site: Frontline World PBS
URL: www.pbs.org/frontlineworld
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Review: It may seem strange, but when you take commercials out of television, all of a sudden the quality seems to take a quantum leap. PBS has created a streaming video site of their publicly broadcast channel, where journalists travel far and wide bringing you the stories no hamburger joint or petrol station can be bothered sponsoring. On demand reports looking into water wars in Bolivia, gun smuggling in Sierra Leone, Sri Lankan terrorists, and the occasional feel-good story, gives one a slightly different perspective on life on earth than one might see on the news that is generally used as filler between the ads on commercial TV. - SS

Name of Site: Canada.com News
URL: www.canada.com/national
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Review: With so much of our news coming from the US, I thought I'd jump across the border and see the Canadian perspective - so easy to do, with this here cable modem. Seems to be a slightly different angle on things up in the cool country. They are cool on war; cool about legalizing drugs, and like a nice cool game of Ice Hockey to round out the week. The news is all there, but there does seem to be a slightly more 'David Suzuki' approach to things. They seem that little bit more aware about the world outside their own borders and just that little bit cynical towards the ways of their Yankee cousins. Plenty of good local and fun stuff packed in here too. - SS

Name of Site: One World.net
URL: www.oneworld.net
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Review: 1,250 organisations all working for social justice, have pitched in to build this huge current affairs portal. With so much bad stuff going on around the world, and so many people working tirelessly to make things better, you just won't hear about it in the mainstream media, where a kid down a well can hold the headlines for months. There is a veritable avalanche of articles here. But this is more than just a news site. It is a place where you can post your own video op-ed, participate in events and campaigns, volunteer for organisations, and shop for products that promote a sustainable and just future, which is kind of the only future we can have. - SS

Name of Site: ABC News
URL: abcnews.go.com
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Review: I was forced to watch a 15 second commercial before being allowed into this site - convergence at work. Even more prime advert real estate on the home page and pop up window, but once accustomed to the onslaught, the news reading began. All that advertising must make for better news reporting, or does it just pay the star anchors bigger salaries? It is hard to tell. It certainly isn't paying for their bandwidth, because you have to pay to watch the video reports. However, all the news is very up-to the minute and is easy to read. There is also plenty of lifestyle and interactive content to distract you from the harsh reality of the actual news reports. Now I know my ABC, let's go shopping. - SS

Name of Site: World News
URL: www.worldnews.com
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Review: Somewhere back in those heady days of dotcom madness and domain name buy-ups, the owners of worldnews.com must have kept a level head, as they bought up big and mapped out their plans for virtual domination. Now they are a massive news portal, drawing on all the top news sources and serving up the news to every continent, rebranded just the way the locals like it. 7 million visitors a month are soaking up the trouble spot news, finance, travel, sport, health and fashion, and maybe even learning a little more about the world they live in, by clicking from one world news sub-site to the next. - SS

Name of Site: Google News
URL: news.google.com
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Review: In beta phase at the time of review, the masters of the search engine algorithm have decided to turn their hand to tweaking themselves to see what happens. Fully automated, this site mathematically analyses the news stories Google indexes and organises them into an on-line publication you'd almost swear was being run by a team of editors. Sure there are occasional glitches, but that's what beta testing is all about. All you need is a computer program to read the news for you and another to listen to it and the news universe can carry on completely unhindered by human intervention. - SS

Name of Site: Africa Daily
URL: www.africadaily.com
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Review: Part of the World News Supernet, I thought I ought to see how they handle the Dark Continent. Basically, besides a few more shootings, machete attacks and HIV crises, the news is much the same, but that could be more to do with the way World News does business, which is by acting as a conduit for news reports, rather than investigating and reporting themselves. Still, it is fascinating to get a glimpse into the day-to-day machinations of a place we rarely hear about unless something totally outrageous happens, like genocide, plague, pestilence or terror. - SS

Name of Site: Wired News
URL: www.wired.com
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Review: I know, you are so sick of hearing such bad news everywhere you turn, you just want to disappear into cyberspace where everything is wonderful and the only news you'll ever hear is how cool the next new gadget is. Well this is your sanctuary. The folks at Wired see the humble ones and zeros humming through their motherboards as our saviours and they are here to bring the good news. Hallelujah! Actually there's more going on than mere salvation. Business, culture, technology, politics, humour - it really is a whole new world in here. And the Wired gang are really hip cats, too. Before long you'll be hopping on your Segway(tm) and heading to the newsagents to get the hard copy. - SS

Name of Site: News of the Weird
URL: www.newsoftheweird.com
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Review: Chuck Shepherd is herding us all away from the mainstream with his heavily syndicated collection of the strange and ridiculous news stories we know and love so much more than the headlines. It's a simple site but has a couple of cool features, like a map of (only in) America where weirdness is searchable by state, the chance to submit your own stories, buy his 20 years of compilation in book form, and the chance to get the weird news filing your in tray each week. The world is full of freaks, and you are one of them. - SS

Name of Site: BBC News
URL: news.bbc.co.uk
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Ease of Navigation: Signposted
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Review: If you like your news Anglo-centric, what better place to begin than the jolly old BBC, eh, what? Somehow they have managed to cross into the new millennium with most of their values intact. Real journalists travel the globe and bring the reports in from the front line, while most commercial presenters sit in front of cardboard backdrops. The BBC has blossomed on the net with a true world-wide audience, radio network, video streaming reports, in-depth analysis and a great section called "talking point" where people from all nations can add their view to the hot topics of our time. A nice looking site to boot. Pip, pip, hoorah! - SS

By Stefan Sojka

ALCOHOL
Found in: Liquor barns, pubs, restaurants or delivered to your door in liquid form distilled from rotting fruit.
Alternatives: Methylated spirits, anaesthetic, industrial solvents.
Effects: After a few drinks, web surfing can become an enjoyable experience. You will find yourself quizzing search engines with juvenile words like "f***" or "69" and descending into sheer depravity as your toxic levels mount. Larger doses, producing muscle spasticity, drooling, slurred typing, and blurred vision could render your computer unusable, as you stagger back to the sofa, sink into a coma and wet yourself.
Risks: Waking up in the morning wondering exactly what you did on your computer the night before. It is highly likely that you gave your credit card details to a few shonky porn sites and your address & phone number to dozens of potential cybersex partners. Viral infection is quite possible.
Best Site: The "Zillions of Jokes" site at uniquorn.simplenet.com/jokesite.htm can give you the effect of being in a bar exchanging inanities. As colourless as a dimly lit pub, with jokes to rival any tavern full of "suits" on a Friday afternoon.
Worst Site: Kevin Bloody Wilson's page at www.wilson.com.au is pure alcoholism at its worst. See Wilson autographing chick's tits, and enter the "Yobbo of the Week" competition. The web designers were too pissed to check if the site even works properly.

CAFFEINE
Found In: Coffee, tea, popular cola drinks, travel alert tablets, "smart" drinks.
Alternatives: Your own body can produce the same effect as caffeine by being afraid, anxious, nervous or by staying awake for more than 24 hours, when your second wind kicks in and you start to feel "wired".
Effects: The stimulant effect is perfect for the web, when the exhaustion factor - after hours of surfing - can mar the fun. Typing speed is increased, making URL entry easier, and chat sessions more lively. Basic computer functions of mouse-clicking, saving, scrolling, opening windows and using pull-down menus, become smoother and more dynamic with the caffeine edge. Because of a minimal psycho-active element, caffeine is a very effective tool for increased productivity, although only recommended for dry, menial tasks, hence it's popularity in the workplace.
Risks: Regular use of caffeine can cause shaking, twitching, heart flutters and insomnia, but then so can surfing the internet, so there is no conflict here.
Best Site: "Too-Much-Coffee Man" at www.tmcm.com/ is a comic strip superhero that you have to go and visit, just for the cool name if nothing else. Actually, it's quite funny stuff, but chances are TMCM's creator is using a little more than just coffee.
Worst Site: yourhealthdaily.com/213_080197_104201_8867.html though you will enjoy typing in this ridiculous URL, you just don't want to hear this crap. Health risks?? Humbug!

DOWNERS
Found In: Doctors surgeries, in colourful blister-pack promotional samples, pharmacies.
Alternatives: Getting fired, being burgled, divorce, physical exhaustion, watching infomercials.
Effects: When the mind-boggling advances of the internet revolution become too exciting, and the output of the worlds leading graphic artists onto your computer screen stimulates your brain into overproduction of endorphins and adrenalin, the soothing effect of a good downer can bring you back into focus. It can also help control your frustration at the stupefyingly slow download times, and pace your thoughts in time with your .000001mb/s modem.
Risks: You may actually become content with the speed of the web as it is, and trade in your 233MMX Pentium for a Mac Plus and a book of forged prescriptions. Also dribbling, mumbling and gazing blankly through half-closed eyes is not a very good look.
Best Site: www.microsoft.com There are enough megabytes of demo software downloads to get you through a dozen packs of extra-strength valium, before you even get to install the stuff.
Worst Site: www.hotwired.com There is just too much information, too much sensory overload for anyone not on stimulants to cope with, let alone a dribbling zombie.

THC AND PSYCHO-ACTIVES
Found In: The freely available and hardy cannabis plant grows anywhere. The human mind has receptors designed specifically for receiving the active chemicals. Other psycho-actives include many natural plants, man-made LSD and non-fatal doses of any deadly poison.
Alternatives: A similar effect can be achieved by meditating, dreaming, high fever, near-death experiences or eating 50 kilograms of chocolate.
Effects: The psycho-active effects of THC etc., - heightened awareness of colour and sound - make it a very handy enhancement to the internet experience. Cool web sites become even cooler, plug-ins become turn-ons, and search engines become "possibility machines". The evidence of psycho-active drug usage by the internet community is very widespread. The internet is really nothing more than our planet getting stoned. Sadly, with her new found vision, mother earth might be too wasted to save herself.
Risks: Paradoxically, as your fascination for all this technology increases, so your ability to operate your computer decreases. You can get to a point where you'll be browsing the web for hours, without realising that you accidentally opened Microsoft Word instead of Netscape Navigator! Watch your figure as well. Months of web surfing and getting the munchies can mean disaster for your waistline.
Best Site: Just by entering www.erowid.com you will feel like you are channelling Timothy Leary.
Worst Site: There is no worst site. Type in www.netscape.com/ $%$#$ and see. Not found? The entire universe is there.. open your mind...

UPPERS
Found In: Cough syrups, diet pills, backyard laboratories, interstate trucking company medicine cabinets.
Alternatives: Adrenaline, endorphines. The same effect can be achieved by having your life threatened, or after vigorous exercise.
Effects: Uppers are like coffee squared, and with the increased dose comes a little more of a psycho-active effect. Not only will your productivity increase exponentially, but you will FEEL like it's unlimited. You will find yourself grinning widely as you begin designing 100 new web pages for yourself and all your friends, chatting in 300 different IRC channels, trying out 65 new hi-end demo programs and mapping out the source code for your own personal contribution to the browser wars.
Risks: Even though your brain will operate at hyper-speed, you still only have two hands, so your 1,000 or so new ventures will all be about 2% complete before the stuff wears off. This will lead you to desire a further dose, which will only end up leading you to another 1,000 new projects and down a path of ultimate destruction, as you spiral into addiction.
Best Site: www.envirolink.org/mkzdk/ is so mind blowing and thought provoking, you will need to be in hyper-drive to take it in. Once visited, give up the uppers, and go the hallucinogens. Life as you knew it ends here.
Worst Site: Visiting the National Party of Australia at www.npa.org.au could possibly scare them to death, so best you speed on elsewhere.

NICOTINE
Found In: Tobacco leaf cigarettes, skin patches and chewable gum.
Alternatives: Moving to South East Asian forest fire areas, sucking on car exhaust pipes. Shooting yourself in the lungs with an extremely slow shot gun.
Effects: Even though nicotine is a deadly poison, the doses found in cigarettes have an almost imperceptible effect. Therefore in web surfing, the biggest impact is in your look and style. One handed typing, dropping ash and blowing it off your keyboard, sucking actions & punctuating your browsing by stubbing butts into ashtrays are all gestures likely to give you the feeling that you are a cool and happening character likely to be cast in the next Tarrantino flick. Lighting small fires and blowing smoke at your monitor can also give you the feeling of domination over cyberspace.
Risks: Early death could mean missing out on the latest browser upgrade. Bad breath will reduce the quality of real life encounters with your cybersex partners.
Best Site: Smoke and glamour, www.wp.com/51824/smoking/ lights up the true nature of smoking -sex. Is that a very small penis in your hand, or are you just smoking?
Worst Site: www.lungcheck.com/ is a reality check for participants in this highly unfulfilling, addictive and unsafe pastime.

ECSTASY
Found In: Pills sold in a thriving underground market. Legal herbal equivalents are available and rumoured to be equally as effective.
Alternatives: Personal growth seminars where everybody hugs each other. Winning the lottery. Buying a new car. The after-glow of giving birth before post natal depression sets in.
Effects: Web surfing on ecstasy can be a highly fulfilling experience. You will love everything you see, as you follow link after beautiful link. The awesome power of the net will, in a moment of joy, be oh so understood by you as you find yourself gravitating towards IRC, video links and virtual meeting places. You will feel at one with every nerd, freak, pervert, dork and geek you meet. At last the great gulf between us is bridged. I love you, you love me, oh how happy we can be. Stroke your mouse again for me, will you? Aaaaaaaaaah!
Risks: Because the actual physical design of computers is rather unsexy and impractical for real interpersonal communication, you may suffer injuries such as chipped teeth as you try to kiss your screen, and groin injuries as you attempt some crude level of sexual encounter with your PC tower.
Best Site: It doesn't matter, everything is beautiful. Dial in, link up, connect, you'll love it! If the medication hasn't kicked in yet, warm up on #funfactory on IRC EFNET
Worst Site: Any online MUD game. You have lost all your motivation to kill, and you will become very upset at the anger and violence expressed towards you by other players. Intense post-traumatic-stress counselling will be required.

NITROUS OXIDE
Found In: Gas cylinders in dental surgeries, also used to boost performance in cars, but if you ask how it works, your mechanic will just laugh.
Alternatives: Watching Fawlty Towers, watching Australia's Funniest Home Videos when you have an IQ of 75 or below.
Effects: NO2 has one main effect, and that is the well documented one of uncontrolled giggling. Web surfing and giggling can work well together, and is especially called for after spending 13 hours on a useless search engine failing to find what you were looking for. Also very effective when used to view CeeUSeeMe users home pages, and when you join a chat channel full of young male desperados and tell them all that you are a 23 year old Swedish bikini model.
Risks: Laughter is the best medicine, but after the laughter, everything will seem so serious you may become depressed at the smallest unfunnyness. A man once committed suicide after his NO2 wore off, and he accidentally stumbled across a UNIX FAQ page.
Best Site: hatewatch.org features an incredibly comprehensive collection of every hatemongering racist, sexist, homophobic and anti-semetic site in cyberspace. You are going to need happy gas before you surf these gems, coz they are deadly serious, and if you don't laugh, you might really start to worry!
Worst Site: The Cow Tipping Craze - you are already splitting your sides with laughter. Too much of a good thing could be fatal. Don't risk it.